Thoughts from me

I just have something on my mind today that I would like to get out.  I sit and think about Tristen and what he would be like.  Then I look at all these people that you hear about on the news and in the paper that have abused their children and pretty much tortured them.  Why is it they have their children and my son was taken away.........  Have you ever thought like that?  I did and I still do at times.  It is almost impossible to figure out why someone who loves their child so much has to say goodbye.  When parents who don't deserve kids get to keep their children.

When you lose a child you always have so many questions.  Who what when where WHY......Life isn't fair.  This I can tell you because I have been there.  It isn't fair that Tristen isn't with us and it isn't fair for all the parents who have lost children that would give anything for their kids.

Tristen wasn't meant to be on this earth, I know that now.  It took me a long time to realize that my son was born an angel.  God gave me the little time I had with Tristen because that is what I prayed for.  Love never stops even when the person passes from this world.  That love is always there.

It has been a little over 7 years since we said goodbye to our son.  I still think of him everyday.  Somedays it might be 1 time, other days I think about him all day long.  There was a poem that was read at Tristen's funeral that helps me when I get to the point that the day is unbearable.

When you feel like you can't deal with the emptiness anymore please read this poem.  It helps me so much just to think about him being there in everything that I do. 

We named a star after Tristen because of this poem.  It is the middle star in Orion's dagger.  Its name is Tristen's Halo.

If you need someone to talk to please contact me at babyangel010805@live.com .



Prayer Works

Sorry I haven't done my blog in several days.  We had some issues going on around here.  My daughter that I wrote about earlier, her blood test come back negative for CF (Cystic Fibrosis).  Thank you everyone who said a special prayer for her and our family.

Prayers work and I thank God for putting His loving arms around my babygirl and protecting her.

The Days We Miss our Child.......

One of the hardest days I have gone through after losing Tristen was whenever we take family pictures.  You gather round and something is always missing.  We had family pictures taken this weekend and even though Tristen passed away 7 years ago.  It felt like he was missing.  I know he was in my heart but to actually see him in the picture would be amazing.  We always try to include him.

This is a picture that my mom made for me. 

These are my 3 children.  Tristen, Allen, and Chloe are my babies and no matter how long it has been since we said goodbye to Tristen he will always be my baby.

This is our Family!  Tristen is always there in our hearts.

There are ways for your angel to be apart of your family and memories.  We still have birthday parties and Christmas for my baby.  I KNOW GOD IS HOLDING TRISTEN IN HIS HANDS.

A little off subject......

Today's post is not talking about the normal.  Today I want to reach out to all and ask for prayers for my precious little girl.  She tested positive for Cystic Fibrosis.
Cystic fibrosis is an inherited chronic disease that affects the lungs and digestive system of about 30,000 children and adults in the United States (70,000 worldwide). A defective gene and its protein product cause the body to produce unusually thick, sticky mucus that clogs the lungs and leads to life-threatening lung infections; and obstructs the pancreas and stops natural enzymes from helping the body break down and absorb food.
She is a very sweet, spirited little girl.

Right now prayers are needed for this precious little girl.  If anyone has any information that could help us get answers or anything please contact me at babyangel010805@live.com .   Thank you everyone.

Finding Resources to Help With Coping

There are so many places you can go on the internet to look up resources.  When Tristen passed away I didn't have a computer and no way to get on the internet.  So, I depended on the hospital to give me a list of resources.  It was really strange because I remembered just glancing at the paper and thinking this writing is so small how am I supposed to read it.  When I got into my car I looked at it closer.  For some reason out of all the resources on the sheet only one really stuck out to me and it was the first one I looked at even though it was at the very bottom of the page.  SHARE Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Group.  Then I called the number and Colleen answered and begin talking to me about the group and her story.  I couldn't believe how fortunate I was that I found someone to talk to that knew exactly what I was going through.  She told me that they were having a meeting and she told me when.  I was so excited that I was going to have someone to talk to about my situation that I got the dates mixed up and wound  up showing up for the meeting a week early.  The reason I made it through such a tragedy was because of Share. 
Share is a national support group that helps families that have lost babies due to miscarriage, still birth, and death of an infant.  If you need any information please visit their website at www.nationalshare.org
they can help to find a group near you and resources that you will need to help you cope.

Another group is Compassionate Friends.  They are a group that helps when you lose a child of any age.  If you would like to find out more please contact them at www.compassionatefriends.org

If you have any questions or need help to find resources please contact me at babyangel010805@live.com

Remembering Your Child

There are many ways to preserve memories.  Many parents don't have a lot of things of their child to remember.  Trust me there are ways.
1.  Scrapbooking
     Pregnancy pictures are good for parents that have lost a child before or right after birth.  There are many different things that I used for Tristens scrapbook (I like to call it a memory book).  I used his ultrasound pictures, bracelets from the hospital, pictures that my mother took and pictures of his  headstone.  For ideas on how to start a scrapbook go to www.superscrapbookingideas.com/

2. Create a memorial picture

    My mom made me a memorial picture with the saying that is on Tristen's head stone.  It is something that you will be able to keep.  To find out how to make a memorial picture go to    www.ask.com

3. Name a star

    I named a star after Tristen.  It is in the constellation Orion and its name is Tristen's Halo.  I    recieved a certificate and a chart showing exactly what star it was and when during the year it is    visible.

4.  Involve your other children
     I have had 2 other children since Tristen has passed away.  Allen is 5 yrs old and Chloe just turned 1.  I have let Allen pick out birthday, easter, christmas, even 4th of July gifts for Tristen and we go as a family to give Tristen his gifts.

There are many ways to remember your child.  These are some things that have helped me and my family to get through the loss. 

My family was unforunate to lose 2 babies, my son Tristen and my sisters son Carleton (10/2001).  I have tried to come up with some of the ways that has helped me through.  If you have any questions please contact me at babyangel010805@live.com.

How do you grieve the loss of a child?

There are 7 stages of grief:

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You don't want to admit what is going on and you try to fight it every way possible.

For me when I was told that Tristen was going to die from LBWC (Limb Body Wall Complex) I used every resource possible to prove the doctors wrong.
2. PAIN & GUILT-
You begin to blame yourself and you wonder if there was something more you could have done.

I felt like I didn't see enough specialist and I wondered what I did wrong to cause my son to have this condition.  I realize now that it wasn't something I had done wrong it was something that just happens.  It took a long time to realize that it wasn't me and I also did a lot of research.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
You will lash out at the people around you.  You get angry at parents that still have their children.  You begin bargaining please just let me spend one more day with my child and saying that you will do anything.

I lashed out at my family and friends.  I couldn't look at someone with a baby without getting so angry I would burst into tears.  I begged God to take me too.  I wanted to be with Tristen.

4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
You don't want to get out of bed.  You ache all over and can't stand to look at yourself in the mirror.  These are signs of depression.  You feel so alone in the world like no one knows what you are going through.

I had to be put on medicine when I lost Tristen.  If you feel like you can't handle things and want to harm yourself please seek help.  There are places that you can go.  If you just need someone to talk to that has been through what you are going through there are support groups.  I am with Share of Northeast Louisiana and it is composed of parents that have suffered the loss of babies.
5. THE UPWARD TURN-
The point in your life when things start to return to normal.

It takes time to get to this point.   You never get over losing a child but days do get easier to get through.  I think about Tristen a lot somedays and somedays I think about him just a few times.  He is always in my heart.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
You begin to stat rebuilding your life and dealing with everyday activities.
I had a really hard time I tried going back to work not long after Tristen passed away.  That didn't work out very well.  You have to do things in your own time and not let others push you to get better only you know when you are ready to start picking up the pieces and putting your life back together.
7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
Each day that passes you begin to accept that your child will not be with you in the physical sense but they will always be in your heart.  You have hope knowing that everyday isnt going to be a bad one.

I started accepting that Tristen wasn't with me and I found hope in knowing that my tragedy could help others get through there loss.

Not everybody will go through the stages of grief in this order.  Everyone is different.  I am trying to get permission to add some resource sites to this blog.  As soon as I have them up I will post them.

Please if you need to talk to someone or just have someone to listen please contact me by e-mail at babyangel010805@live.com.

God's Little Signs

Everywhere you look there are signs from God.  When Tristen passed away I didn't  think God was anywhere to be found.  Boy was I wrong.  The day that Tristen died my husband, Shelton, went home to get some rest and he looked at the sky, the clouds were unusual.  He started taking pictures and when we got them developed there was a picture that showed I LOVE (heart) U in the clouds.  It was an amazing site.

God has really good ways of showing you everything is ok.  All you have to do is open your eyes and your heart.

The day of Tristen's funeral there was another sign.  Just as the hearse pulled up to the church Shelton looked at the sky (He does that a lot).  Just above the church steeple was an upside down rainbow.  It looked just like a smile.  In the midst of a horrible day there was this beautiful sight.

Just remember to look around you can always find a sign from God.

My Baby Angel

I started this page to talk to others about the loss of a child.  I lost my son in January of 2005.  Tristen Lee is now my angel in heaven.  The loss of a child is something that many people have to go through but no one should ever have to go through.  Many things have helped me to get through each day since the loss of Tristen.  I would like to use this site to help others the ways that I have been helped. 

First let me tell you my story.... I was told that I would never be able to have children by doctors that know better than me but God has his own plan for us.  I found out that I was pregnant in June 2004.  I was so excited and in disbelief.  I went to the doctor and yep there it was the test showed positive.  I was so excited.  I had never been so happy in my life.  That all changed at 12 weeks pregnant.  I went to the doctor and they found something wrong.  They weren't sure exactly what was going on but they knew there was a problem.  I was told later that what was actually wrong was a condition that they thought was called Limb Body Wall Syndrome.  I had never heard of it but there were several signs that pointed to this.  I wouldn't believe it.  I did everything to try to prove doctors wrong.  

I saw so many specialist but the result was all the same.  Then on December 28,2004 I saw the last specialist and when he told me that it was definate that my son had Limb Body Wall and that the survival rate is 0% I lost all hope.  I begin to pray to God to please let me see his eyes.  My grandmother always told me that your eyes are the window to the soul and at that time I needed to see into Tristens soul. 

On January 7, 2005 at10 pm my water broke.  I rushed to the hospital I was terrified but my family and my husband and his family were right there by my side.  I knew the outcome so I was not ready to have him.   I was only 27 weeks pregnant and I wanted to hold on to him a little while longer.  Well that wasn't going to happen.  At 4:35 am on January 8 Tristen Lee Hale was born.  He was beautiful.  He weighed 3lbs 3oz and was 13in long.  I was told that Tristen would not be able to repond to me because he had no oxygen going to his brain because his lungs had not developed.  They asked me the hardest question I have ever had to answer in my life.  "How long do you want us to work on your son?"  That is a question no mother should ever have to answer.  But all I could say was I just want to see him then they could let him go.  As bad as I wanted him with me I didn't want him to suffer.  They brought him to me and laid him on my chest.  As soon as I touched him he opened his eyes and I touched his face and he scrunched his little nose up.  That is the only memory I have of my son.  Tristen passed away at 5:02 am. 

The most devastating thing any person can go through is losing a child.  That is why I started this blog I want to be able to help all the parents of little angels.