How do you grieve the loss of a child?

There are 7 stages of grief:

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You don't want to admit what is going on and you try to fight it every way possible.

For me when I was told that Tristen was going to die from LBWC (Limb Body Wall Complex) I used every resource possible to prove the doctors wrong.
2. PAIN & GUILT-
You begin to blame yourself and you wonder if there was something more you could have done.

I felt like I didn't see enough specialist and I wondered what I did wrong to cause my son to have this condition.  I realize now that it wasn't something I had done wrong it was something that just happens.  It took a long time to realize that it wasn't me and I also did a lot of research.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
You will lash out at the people around you.  You get angry at parents that still have their children.  You begin bargaining please just let me spend one more day with my child and saying that you will do anything.

I lashed out at my family and friends.  I couldn't look at someone with a baby without getting so angry I would burst into tears.  I begged God to take me too.  I wanted to be with Tristen.

4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
You don't want to get out of bed.  You ache all over and can't stand to look at yourself in the mirror.  These are signs of depression.  You feel so alone in the world like no one knows what you are going through.

I had to be put on medicine when I lost Tristen.  If you feel like you can't handle things and want to harm yourself please seek help.  There are places that you can go.  If you just need someone to talk to that has been through what you are going through there are support groups.  I am with Share of Northeast Louisiana and it is composed of parents that have suffered the loss of babies.
5. THE UPWARD TURN-
The point in your life when things start to return to normal.

It takes time to get to this point.   You never get over losing a child but days do get easier to get through.  I think about Tristen a lot somedays and somedays I think about him just a few times.  He is always in my heart.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
You begin to stat rebuilding your life and dealing with everyday activities.
I had a really hard time I tried going back to work not long after Tristen passed away.  That didn't work out very well.  You have to do things in your own time and not let others push you to get better only you know when you are ready to start picking up the pieces and putting your life back together.
7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
Each day that passes you begin to accept that your child will not be with you in the physical sense but they will always be in your heart.  You have hope knowing that everyday isnt going to be a bad one.

I started accepting that Tristen wasn't with me and I found hope in knowing that my tragedy could help others get through there loss.

Not everybody will go through the stages of grief in this order.  Everyone is different.  I am trying to get permission to add some resource sites to this blog.  As soon as I have them up I will post them.

Please if you need to talk to someone or just have someone to listen please contact me by e-mail at babyangel010805@live.com.